Epistolary

Conny Champs and Rudy Lorsome

My Dear Conny,

One glance at your angelic face that night at the Champs hotel party, I couldn’t lay my eyes off you. The sight of that beautiful face sitting by the bar had struck me like no one else before. Since I have been arrested while serving as a waiter at your hotel party the other night, I can’t get you out of my head so I decided to write to you. You might be wondering why I was arrested and put in jail…who am I kidding; a magnificent woman like you probably wouldn’t even be thinking about a low-class guy that I am. I’m sure you have many men, much more attractive than me, asking for your hand in marriage. I’d like to give it a try though so let me just tell you a little bit about myself and why I’m here. I was born in Austria, Vienna to a middle class family and my father worked as a construction worker while my mother was at home with me. When I was about 21, I moved to New York to find a job but let’s just say it didn’t really work out for me. Because I was very low in money, I decided to kidnap a child in demand of money. You might think I was very wrong of doing this but it worked out very well and I started getting a lot of money so I did it again and again. This past year though, I’ve been in and out of jail and I realized it’s going to be trickier than I thought. Please don’t think I’m crazy and please answer back, tell me a little bit about yourself…

All my love, Rudy

Dear Rudy,

You don’t know how delighted I am to hear from you! That party the other night simply bored me to death but when you appeared and started to talk to me, I felt that I had finally found one decent gentleman that dint blabber on about how much money he has. Reading your letter, I realized what an exciting life you have that I could only ever dream about. I mean I’m already in my 30s and I still live in this big old mansion with my parents and their worthless money. It really isn’t very exciting when you own hotels all around the world and all you have is money. Oh Rudy, I can’t take it anymore, I’m so lonely right now and all I want to do is to move into a small house and start a family. You’re the only one I feel understands me and the only one I feel comfortable enough to talk to. I wouldn’t normally be telling this to anyone either but I have a drinking problem and I know it’s something terrible bit I don’t know how to help myself.

I can’t wait for your reply,

All my love, Conny

Ps. how are they treating you in prison?

My dearest Conny,

I was so happy to receive your letter. All these days here have been quite scary and disturbing. One of my fellow cell mates almost died today because one of the other prisoners was going around with a pocket knife and stabbed him early this morning. I can’t wait to get out of here and finally come see you. Conny, you might think I’m crazy but from the moment I met you, I fell in love with you. I just feel that there was a strong connection between us… When I read that you have a drinking problem, it brought back so many memories; you see my mother was an alcoholic and it was very hard for her and our family at that time. Slowly though, with the help of my father and a psychologist she would go to every week, she got over it and never touched a drink again. So you see you don’t need to worry about it because once were together, I can help you and we’ll get over your little problem. I know how you feel because I’ve already passed through this with my mother.

I’m here for you Conny.

All my love, Rudy

My dear Rudy,

It makes me feel so much better to know that I can talk to you about anything and to know that you understand how I feel. Rudy, it sounds absolutely awful at the prison and I’m very worried about you, I just want you to get out of that dump so we can run away together. You’ve finally brought some excitement in my life and I want to take that chance now that I can. However long it takes, I will be waiting for you right here; I love you Rudy.

All my love, Conny